i find that my enlarged liver interferes significantly with blogging.

that is all.

{Listening to: Living in a Bubble - eiffel 65 - Europop}

the cake was in the microwave, beckoning to me each time i walked by it. i finally gave up and ate it, liberating some ice cream from the freezer for accompaniment.

mmmmmm. cake. creamy chocolate frosting -- almost too sweet but not quite -- contrasting with moist rich golden layers. mmmmmm. cake.

(but never as yummy as cookys)

p.s. this was not birthday cake, just random cake. much like this post.

8.5 million copies in the first printing of Order of the Phoenix. 870 pages long. that's almost 7.5 billion pages of text. not to mention the 200 million copies of the first four installments of harry potter. assuming that there are equal amounts printed, that's about 150 BILLION more pages.

that's a metric buttload of trees.

(props to canada's raincoast books for insisting on using all-recycled paper).

sometime this year i have already or will turn 25.

today i found my first gray hair.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

hey, you disgusting people that think it is a-okay to stink up my work area by microwaving your disgusting, filthy, putrid, smelly fish lunches -- it is not okay. your noxious and fetid fishy products just make me want to go postal on you.

it is also not okay to eat your lunch in the bathroom.

it is also not okay to casually set aforementioned disgusting lunch on my table while you engage yourself in other activities.

i swear that the next person who does this to me will find their lunch happily awaiting them in the trashcan.

{Listening to: Heart of Glass - Blondie - The Best of Blondie [Chrysalis]}

okay people, call off the search parties. i'm here. between the crappy weather (alternating between torrential rain and a heat wave), having a cold, extreme boredom, and a whole mess of summer laziness, i just haven't felt like blogging. this could be a direct result of multiple hangovers. or because i'm a slacker. or both. after weeks of fooling around, it appears i may have returned to my normal summer schedule. anyways, a wrapup:

adaptation (the movie): loved it. you should rent and watch immediately. i died laughing (in a good way).
the hulk: hated it. it must be a boy thing. i thought the pacing was horrendous. i spent the whole time in the theater looking at my watch (which, fortunately, has indiglo).
old school: funny, but no extreme love.
the new tom green show: love it.
doggy fizzle televizzle: love it.
kappy's liquors: love.
sunflower seeds: love.
running out of minutes on my cell phone: HATE.
half.com: love.
sunshine: love.
doritos: love.
my dirty disgusting rug: hate. last night i contemplated putting an ad on craigslist to see if anyone would be interested in a free filthy rug. i decided to throw it away instead.
air conditioning: love.
my new sheets: love.
new stereo: love.

i should mention that if you're in boston, we get special fireworks this sunday night.

{Listening to: Thorn in My Pride - The Black Crowes - Greatest Hits 1990-1999: A Tribute to a Work in Progress}

I must be one of the last people on the Internet to discover the excellence that is Homestar Runner. I periodically noticed Mr. Poon's prominent link to the H*R site, and I had read an article about it in some culture mag a few months back. It wasn't until last weekend that I finally got curious enough to click on.

Pure, absurdist goodness for all ages. Bravo. Plus the #1 jam of summer 2002! (link includes audio)

A fine respite from job stress, a depressing week on the Supreme Court, and other buffetings.

PS: "Oh. A handful of change. ... So, thank you. For adding another step to my Halloween process."

I'm not sure my life is complete without Minty Frikkin' Mullet Lip Balm. Or other fine products for mullets.

Cancela Travel

As for me: Ireland.

Mystical and rain-soaked, you remain mysterious to many people, and this makes you intriguing. You also like a good night at the pub, though many are just as worried that you will blow up the pub as drink your beverage of choice. You're good with words, remarkably lucky, and know and enjoy at least fifteen ways of eating a potato. You really don't like snakes.

That's a better fit than Alice's seems to have been. "Mystical and rain-soaked," hmm. The bit about liking a night at the pub is correct.

Apparently, I am Pakistan.

You used to ask people what they thought about things, but quite recently you've decided to just do stuff without asking nicely. You really want to go to the mountains, but for some reason, people won't let you, mostly because they won't let acquire any nice sweaters. In the meantime, you're avoiding alcohol and pork and trying to balance eating right with not falling behind in your competition with your next-door neighbor.

This is totally not true because all i do is drink alcohol and eat pork. In fact, in the past week I have consumed at least seven different varieties of pork products.

Take the Country Quiz.

(Prompted by Open & Notorious)

and yesterday was the day i took a seven hour lunch.

my friend had the day off (she works for the state, which has a zillion holidays. yesterday was apparently bunker hill day), so we decided to go out to lunch. we ended up at the restaurant for four hours, and at my place for 3 more. we both got sunburns (the day was so beautiful!) and consumed plenty of lunch in liquid form.

now i'm working again.

sigh.

we are "stylish and irreverent."

note to self, garrett says nice things when you call him sexxxy. (funny, nobody else made a public acknowledgement about being sexxxy.)

UPDATE: Kevin has humored me.

notice how i avoided the use of a split infinitive by saying "to piss me off royally" instead of "to royally piss me off"?

that is freaking scary.

I am rarely ticked off by a company's antics, because I rarely encounter truly horrid service. microcenter, however, has managed to piss me off royally. So I will use whatever online market share I have to spread the word on their crappy customer service.

A couple of weeks ago, microcenter had this fab 20% off deal on all their digital cameras. me, desirous of a new toy and an outlet for the oodles of cash i've been bringing in, decided to buy a new camera. my old digital camera is circa 1998 and has been basically a piece of crap since i took it sailing and it got condensation under the lcd. so i needed a new one, really. i placed the order online, selecting pickup at the local microcenter (it's across from the trader joe's on mem drive). two days later, i received notice that the order had been cancelled, with the cheery "suggestion" that i place the order again online. i just as cheerily suggested they place a new order for me with the original price that i expected. they actually did this, so, although i was ticked that they couldn't cover their butts with inventory (when they very well should have expected a huge response to such a big sale), i was okay with it. i was still getting my camera at the promised price.

now, i've returned home, and they have yet again cancelled my order.

except this time they won't give me the price i originally ordered at. (mind you, this was close to $100 off, allowing me to get the camera i wanted at a price i could actually afford. you may well remember i don't actually have oodles of cash).

i am seriously, royally pissed. they didn't even try to make it up to me. the customer supervisor rep just started blathering about digicam company kickbacks and how they couldn't get an extension. i told him i didn't want to hear it and hung up.

usually the maxim is one displeased customer will tell ten or so of her friends. the angry wrathful customer with a popular blog will tell thousands. and put "microcenter sucks" in the nifty keyword entry box.

okay, i'm back. my time away was wonderful, really. i went to the drive-in movie theater on the cape, visited the cape cod potato chip factory (not one, but two free samples per person after the tour), and climbed the large (appropriately?) phallic monument in the middle of provincetown.

now that i've returned, every single phone call i've made has gone unanswered. it's quite disconcerting. i can't even reach my father or my grandfather to wish them a happy father's day. i'm starting to wonder if i'm really actually here.

OK, back to beverages. I want your thoughts on the following question: is it manly to drink hard apple cider?

If you like, you may separate drinking it at home from drinking it in bars.

I have this on my mind because the pub near my office recently put in a Strongbow tap. I didn't notice it until I was on my way out, but it made me thirsty. I like the stuff on a hot day.

You can tell that cider makers think there's still a subliminal gender issue with their product -- they try to compensate with names like "Strongbow" and posters like that one of the Cider Jack guy (I like to call him "the Worker," with apologies to Ernst Juenger) flexing his huge apple-bicep.

It's an English drink [FN *] that also has amiable American associations. The colonists swam in the stuff. I read an estimate that in Massachusetts in 1767, the average consumption of cider was 1.14 barrels per capita.

Thinking about cider reminds me that I never bought Michael Pollan's popular book on plants and culture, The Botany of Desire. Pollan has a fascinating riff on the wildfire spread of apples in frontier America, which I read in excerpted form in Harper's or the Atlantic (can't recall which) a few years ago. -- the fruit was not only one of the few sources of cherished sweetness in the frontier diet, but it was also a ready source of intoxicating drink! Pollan tells us that far from being a milquetoast figure from elementary school textbooks, Johnny Appleseed was in reality "an American Dionysus."

OK, I just one-clicked Pollan's book.

So: cider. Manly or not so?

[FN *]: Is that still true? Is cider consumption high in your average London pub?

(kicks off shoes, affixes baseball cap)

I'll try to keep things semi-decorous while the proprietor's away.

Let's get back to classic coin-op games. Why has nobody ever tried to resurrect the 80s arcade? With beer on tap. Sort of a retro-themed Jillian's / Dave & Buster's.

We live in a culture drenched and permeated with 80s nostalgia. Listen to FM radio, man! I'm starting to think my generation (loosely speaking) will still be listening to "Tainted Love" and "I Melt With You" in 2033.

So it's bizarre that there hasn't been a comparable resurgence of 80s videogame culture. It would be no trouble to contact the manufacturers and duplicate the old CPUs and ROMs, as is widely demonstrated by (ahem) certain emulator services.

I know that today you can sometimes find an old Ms. Pac-Man or Galaga machine at the local bar or greasy spoon, and that's cool, but I'm talking about something on a different scale. I mean several dozen games. Spy Hunter, Gauntlet, Tron, Tempest, 1943, Jungle Hunt, Q*Bert, the works. Plus beer; I think I mentioned that.

And then the inevitable New Wave music.

It seems to me that this would be a clever piece of Gen X/Y marketing. Everyone (okay, everyone male and inclined to nerdishness) in the 25-35 age bracket remembers these games. Nostalgia 80s titles like "Namco Arcade" do a solid business on home videogame systems, proving that there's a demand.

i'm away for a few days. have fun with plainsman!

Hah! I trump your video link with... Makeup Alley! Also a time-wasting cultural resource. Cept for girls!

Almay's Kinetin got rid of my under-eye circles. Sleep no longer necessary.

{Listening to: Get Down On It - Kool And The Gang - The Ultimate Celebration [UK]}

Say, Alice, if you're looking for funky links, how about one for the Killer List of Videogames?

http://klov.com

I know we're veering off into geekdom, but this is an amazing time-wasting cultural resource. Thousands of entries. I discovered it back when I was a summer associate and soon had to impose an iron no-visit-at-work rule, which remains in effect.

Its archival coverage emphasizes the classic period 1980-1990. Cosmic Avenger. Sinistar. Karate Champ. Double Dragon II. Strider. Sweet, sweet nectar.

(I think this Y-chromosome post nicely balances the preceding one about dusky purple sheets.)

Does Westlaw have a link builder like Lexis has a link builder? Actually, I am certain the answer is yes, because I've used it before, but I can't find it. Westlaw technical assistance is too incompetent to help me (they've been working on it for about for days now).

{Listening to: Get Down, Make Love - Nine Inch Nails - Sin}

This weekend I decided that I was in need of new sheets. So, I went to Filene's and dropped $40 on a set of 240 thread count sheets. Sueded sateen finish, in dusky purple. Forty bucks. For a set of twin sheets. That's just obscene.

But they feel so good.

{Listening to: Enjoy the Silence - Depeche Mode - Violator}

even more sexxxy bloggers. (post to go with it here, but garrett is in the middle, sasha is on the right).

cheerio!

A trip to the record store.

I earn my living as a corporate lawyer. It's therefore a modest satisfaction that my musical selections can still garner verbal props from the black T-shirted indie-rock folks who ring you up at any record store worthy of the name. The appreciative comment, the anecdote about a show, the comparison to some other band that (with luck) you also know. I don't buy records to impress people, but screw it, we're social creatures.

So that was fun today. Bought two CDs, one of which was the Soul Coughing greatest hits album.[FN *] (I wanted the CD: I have two of their albums on crappy cassettes only.)

It's very listenable, but at the same time it's sort of disturbing that there is a Soul Coughing greatest hits album. I mean, this is a band that I saw live on their album tour in law school, thinking it was a big "contempo music doesn't suck!" experience.

The liner notes are smart. Some rock critic opines that SC wrote quintessential 90s music, and you can see what he means. Dazed, articulate, slangy, kind of paranoid, genre-slopping, cosmopolitan yet introverted. With samples and a backbeat.

And "The Idiot Kings" is simply a great song.

[FN *]: Also got the previous Rainer Maria LP. I'll decide what I think of it in a couple of days.

hey, the scooper bowl starts on tuesday. all you summer associates downtown should go eat ice cream and give part of your inflated salaries to charity. plus, you get ice cream in return, which is cool.

still looking for good links for the blogroll. i am too lazy to find them myself.

i just discovered my blogroll's link to mr. poon was actually to kausfiles. funny.

mr. poon has thrown down the gauntlet.

i don't think his blogger is as sexxxy as my blogger.

oh, they're so sexxxy. hi boys! they're so cute! and that bald head! i could go on, but, well, you know.

i can't believe i just posted that! can you believe i just posted that? they're going to freakin' kill me.

{Listening to: Flash Light [The Groovemasters' Mix] - Busta Rhymes - Greatest Funkin' Hits}

drink me
0 |
more like this > > Bill
and the other half was
unbelievably funny. maybe
you feel as the flanged elec
keyboard in a brightly lit apartment at cheesy keg parties. It is only romantic
song
Best thing on Tsingtao China , sorry to yield
a guy of satan this little tour.
off a good stuff.
that And lots of
the window open c, , =window.

courtesy the amazing poem generator.

{Listening to: Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison - }

where to find nekkid people in boston. (besides next door)

{Listening to: Bored Out of My Mind - Praga Khan - Twentyfirstcenturyskin}

How to make sure your status bar in internet explorer stays put:

Start with one instance of IE. Select View | Status Bar. Now press Ctrl while clicking the X in the upper-right-hand corner of the window to close the application. Next, open My Computer and select View | Status Bar. Finally, go to Tools | Folder Options and select the View tab. Click Apply to all folders, confirm the dialog, and then close Windows Explorer.

copied from who knows where.

so, at least once a week, my friends and i get together to watch a movie. this week, monsters' ball was on tap. i hate to say it (embarrassed to say it, even), but it was hilarious. of course, not the totally unfunny, really depressing death row subject matter, but the other half was unbelievably funny. maybe it was the atmosphere -- with friends and beer, generally silliness abounds -- or maybe it was the whole art film vibe, but we laughed. we laughed so hard that we cried (i think that was around the part with the popeye's chicken). some snorting definitely occurred (although not from me).

maybe you had to be there.

It's an easy scenario to imagine. You're in Warsaw, Gdansk, or Lodz, and sadly, you need to tell someone (quoting Snoop Dogg): "Them rhymes you were kickin' were quite bootylicious."

According to this Polish-translated hip-hop dictionary the phrase that pays is: "te rymy, które zapodwałeś były z deka wybrakowane".

Now you know.

tonight i used up two leftovers. really, it was thrilling. i now feel as if my life is validated somehow. and this is without any beer!

I am about to go eat a meal and drink beer.

Such an index of civilization, beer. Goes back thousands of years, yada yada. There are lots of places in the world where you'll never get decent wine grapes to grow and it's nobody's fault. But virtually every people should be able to toss the local cereal plant in with some hops, yeast and H2O to yield a decent beer.

And in this respect, as is so rarely the case in matters of international understanding, our expectations are not disappointed.

I mean, set aside the Anglosphere of quality beer. That all goes without saying.

My mental map of central Europe marks off a separate "beer belt" of top notch beer countries. Smack in the middle is Germany, of course. Grouped with it, in my mind are:

Denmark, whose land bridge to the Continent, I hypothesize, keeps them from adopting the eccentric anti-beer regulations and attitudes of other Scandinavians. Tuborg is good stuff. Danes are one of the top 3 beer-drinking peoples in the world.

And the Czech Republic, home of the unimpeachable Pilsner Urquell. I've never set foot there. I just read travel guides, you understand. But sausages and pilsner in a Czech beer garden on a cool, bright day seems to me a modest version of pastoral. Consonants and dumplings.

In the Baltics, Latvia is said to be the standout brew country, but I don't know much beyond that.

One cannot forget Belgium's posh and polished beers.

The Japanese produce all sorts of great beer in their often cold, mountainous country. I used to be a big fan of Asahi Extra Dry. It's so crisp you feel like drinking it should freshen your breath or something.

From Thailand, Singha epitomizes smoothness. (But you have to stay on your toes: it's sneakily alcoholic enough that they have to label it "malt liquor.")

And on and on. Tsingtao (China), I'm sorry to say, is way better than any communist product has any right to be, kind of like those old East German Zeiss microscopes. And there's lots of good Indian beer.

Good show, everyone. As I said, it's a pity that international relations at large -- heck, even travel, mostly -- cannot (can never) be as pleasant as this little tour. I'm off for a pint.

UPDATE: I forgot Mexico. What's up with that? And let me stand up for a slightly unfashionable choice -- Corona. No, it won't provide you with material for your dissertation like drinking a glass of Chimay Reserve. But Corona is a well engineered solution to the problems of spicy peppers and 100 degree heat. As such, respect it. (The cute little 7 oz. Corona bottles, maybe respect not so much, at least if you're a guy of the male persuasion.)

freshman girls: get them while they're skinny

(snicker)

No, the title does not refer to the Rehnquist/O'Connor gossip below.

I mean the virulently catchy Kylie Minogue single of that name. The one with the flanged elec keyboard in the rhythm guitar role, and the spiff retro-futurist disco arrangement.

Seriously, how classic is this song? Best thing on a good but uneven album. I hope you readers still in law school are discerning enough to play "Love at First Sight" at cheesy keg parties. It is magnificently adapted to that purpose.

Yeah, yeah, "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" was a good single; I like indelible synth-bass drones as much as the next man. But it was overplayed. CGYOOMH totally eclipsed LAFS on the radio and it's not fair.

Is it relevant to LAFS's goodness that it is, like, the only romantic song on the album? I'm not saying it's Dante and Beatrice, but the artist comes off as less of a hussy than usual. She's in a funk, then she hears this guy playing cool music in a club and falls for him.

Most of the other songs on Fever are what we Papists like to call blatant carnal proposition.

Aye. The Chief and Sandra were both class of '52; they graduated #1 and #3 respectively.

It'd be a cute tale, except they both give off these heavy WASP-authority-figure vibes that make it difficult to imagine them as goofy law students without black robes. (No innuendo intended. Move along.)